He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
