There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
