i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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