I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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