margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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