he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
