They should really pass out barf bags in church
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
