We're facebook friends in real life
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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