Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
