I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Someone came in the potted fern
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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