I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
