Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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