Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
