I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
