I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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