Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i will never coherently bang her
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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