I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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