So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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