I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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