dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude i'm inner monologue high
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
