Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
