I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
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Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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