you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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