I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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