quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Im part way to drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
