i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
