nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
