he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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