He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
