He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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