is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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