You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
