i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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