Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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