I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
