dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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