How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
