the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
