Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
