She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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