i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
