he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
