wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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