Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
