I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
