I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
