I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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