sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
