I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
