you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
