who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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