I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
