he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
