He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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