how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
