please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
