I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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