he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
