i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize