And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
