Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
