Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
