someone get that fucking seahorse.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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