you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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