took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
