The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
