Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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