I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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