Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
