DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
