I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
